Well, this week the guys wrap up their discussion of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse with the dreaded In Laws! How should couples manage this minefield of family tension? And not only are the guys ending this series this week, sadly, Josh and Jimmy are ending their run as the Pairadocs. This will be the boys last show. Sad, but exciting. Listen in and find out why. BTW, all of you guys are the best! We love you.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
So, are you ready to meet the 3rd Horseman of the Marriage Apocalypse? Couple's fight about this one all the time! This topic reeks of power and security, therefore, it's a source for, all but constant, conflict. The topic? MONEY! "Sooooo, let's get ready to RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Last week, the guys kicked off a discussion of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse. The first was sex, and this week they will examine the all too hot topic of THE KIDS. Most couples tend not to be on the exact same page when it comes to discipline, expectations, and priorities when it comes to their kids, so...arguments tend to ensue. If this sounds like you, don't miss this week's episode!
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
You know it coming and you dread it like the plague, but at some point, in every family there comes the need to have “The Sex Talk.” In this case, however, we’re not talking about the sex discussion with you kids. This week, the guys delve into the sex talk that every couple needs to have and keep having to address one of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse.
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PROBLEM:
SOLUTION:
Each spouse’s body belongs to the other, and a primary function of sex is to serve and bless each other. The ethic that runs throughout the New Testament applies to sex in marriage: we are to selflessly serve, thinking of the other first.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Have you or your spouse ever said something along the lines of, “We argue over little things.”, or “None of our arguments ever get resolved.” If you have, then you have fallen headfirst into the Argument Black Hole. Join them this week, as the guys talk about the biggest mistake couples make when they have a disagreement.
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PROBLEM:
SOLUTION:
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Perfectionism. Most would agree that this personality trait is not great. BUT, if you are a perfectionist, you secretly, sort of, like being this way. It’s kind of like being a “workaholic.” We say we don’t like that aspect of our lives yet are inwardly proud of how much we can accomplish. Perfectionism is, not only, bad for us as an individual, but can be devastating in our home.
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PROBLEM:
SOLUTION:
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
We’ve all seen them, haven’t we? Those parents who care WAY too much about how their child is doing in sports. They take out a second mortgage and blow through their family’s savings just to keep their kid on select/travel teams. They yell at the refs, the coach, and their kid. You would think their entire self-worth hinged on whether their child plays well and wins the game…hmmm. I wonder… Listen in this week as Josh and Jimmy get the signal, step up to the plate, and discuss The Push. Parents and sports. Play ball!!
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Warning Signs of The Push
Solution for the Push:
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
We hear a lot of talk about dysfunctional families these days. Apparently, they are bad, and can cause some real damage to those who find themselves in one. But is my family dysfunctional? Did I come from one? How do I make sure my family doesn’t become one? I’m glad you asked!! Join the fellas this week and they discussion what dysfunctional families are, how to prevent them, and what to do if you fear you’re in one.
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Problem with dysfunction:
Solution: (Psychology Today; Julie Hall)
Here’s several “Signs” of dysfunction…make sure you do the opposite!
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Ever feel like a spiritual taxi driver? Is your goal as a parent to make sure your child is at every church event? Do you get nervous when asked to spiritual lead / guide your child? When your child has a spiritual question, is this intimidating? This week Jimmy and Josh discuss your one job as a parent, spiritually leading your child.
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Other than praying over dinner or before bed, is God present in your life / your family’s life?
Biggest takeaway, you need to be more spiritually connected in your own life, to be able to guide your own child.
God doesn’t call you to raise faithful kids, he’s calling you to be faithful.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
As the late great country music artist, Mac Davis, once sang, “Oh, Lord, it’s hard to be humble!” And in our current culture and the competitive, “me-obsessed” environment that our kids are growing up in, these words have never been more spot on. Join the fellas this week, as they kick around the topic of raising humble kids.
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We live in a culture that is for the glorification of self. Our culture and a lot of our homes struggle to produce humble kids.
“If you have to toot your own horn, your horn ain’t worth tootin’” – Bill Myers Sr
We need to teach them how to express their views modestly. How to share praise and blame.
Learning to accept failure is key.
It’s important to model a lack of defensiveness.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Many of you have read her books to your kids and found them to be an invaluable resource during this unprecedented electronically connected time. And if you haven’t read these books to your kids, after listening to this show, you definitely will. This week Jimmy and Josh sit down with Kristen Jenson, from Protect Young Minds, about her best-selling books, Good Pictures Bad Pictures and her newest, Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.When should we talk to our children about pornography? To quote Kristen, “As soon as they have internet access.” Think about that...
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https://www.protectyoungminds.org/
https://www.protectyoungminds.org/about/
https://braindefense.protectyoungminds.org/
https://www.protectyoungminds.org/books/
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
You know ‘em! You love ‘em! And you can’t live without ‘em! I don’t know the numbers on their jerseys, but I do know they’re number 1 in your heart...drum roll, please...This week, the boys sit down with Melanie Shankle and Sophie Hudson, the co-hosts of the Big Boo Cast! They talk about the ladies’ new books, life, love, and not to give too much away...pheasant hunting fashion tips.
Stand All the Way Up by Sophie Hudson
On the Bright Side by Melanie Shankle
Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
I know you’ve never said this before, but I’m sure you’ve known someone who has exclaimed, “That kid makes me so mad!!” Anger is an emotion that all parents have experienced, yet parental anger that is expressed in the wrong way can be the most destructive emotional element in any home. Ouch. This week, the guys chat about putting a lid on parental anger.
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Problem with parental anger:
Solution to parental anger:
Excerpt from Toe to Toe with Your Teen (2nd Edition)
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Is unconditionally loving your child and unconditionally praising your child the same thing? Maybe not. In fact, numerous studies indicate that lavishing praise on a child with little or no merit, actually can have a negative impact on the child’s emotional development. But then again, no praise could indicate emotion emotional neglect. What’s a parent to do?! It’s like we’re danged if we do, or danged if we don’t.
Listen in this week as Josh and Jimmy delve into the sticky, and somewhat controversial, topic of undeserved praise.
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If this is your first episode, here are a few episodes to get you started:
Pairadocs podcast has joined the Christian Parenting Podcast Network!
If this is your first episode, here are a few episodes to get you started:
Follow Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
Follow Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
Follow Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
Since we’re all doing school from home now, please answer the following questions:
Honey, do these new pants make my butt look big?
No, I left your gift at the office. Do you really think I’d forget our anniversary?
Mommy, are some of the kids on my team better than me?
Daddy, I’m so sad that Fluffy died. Is he in heaven with Jesus?
Hey, Babe, I can’t see the back of my head. Am I balding at all?
So how did you do? Answer honestly. This week, the guys kick around the topic of how honest is too honest in the family.
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We can justify lying by trying to "not hurt our spouse". It's choosing the path of least resistance. "Why would I purposefully hurt my wife" is the thought.
However, lying can be a behavior that can form a habit - quickly.
If you can't tell your spouse the truth out of fear of their response, you're in trouble. Without truth there is no trust, without trust there is no love.
You earn the right to speak truth / be honest. Love people first, then provide your truth.
Our goal in word and deed is congruency. Be the same in front of your wife as you are away from her.
We struggle to be honest with others because we are not honest with ourselves.
Be sure that you yourself are cultivating a relationship where people can be honest with you.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
We’ve all done it. Looked at how our spouse is behaving and wondered, “Wow, if he really loved me, he wouldn’t be doing that.” Some of us have felt that so strongly that we actually say those word to our spouse. Making their momentary behavior a referendum on “if” they love us or not. Full disclosure, I have done this myself. Just the other night I told my wife, Beth, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t make me watch the Downtown Abby movie a second time.” Wow, that felt good. Freedom comes through honesty and confession. Listen in this week as the guys expose this relationally destructive, yet common conflict mistake.
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Even if we don't say these exact words, it is common for us to think/feel that "If our spouse loved me, he/she would -- blank --".
Men ask the same question, "If you respected me, you would".
Don't assume your spouse doesn't love you. Unless your spouse has said "I don't love you" - assume he/she does.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
I’m so sorry its taken so long to get this episode out, BUT there were many reasons why it couldn’t get done sooner…Listen, I said I was sorry. What do you want from me? You feel hurt that we have kept this life-changing podcast from you for this long? Well, I’m sorry you feel that way. To hurt you was not our intent, so really, you have to own your own feelings. Am I right? Ok, fine, drop it. This week the boys discuss how to make a real apology.
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Apologies are normal. If no one is apologizing, then there is a problem. Apologies are essential because sin exists.
Top 6 Dynamics of a True Apology
1. A true apology never says a "but"
2. A true apology keeps the focus on what you personally did wrong
3. A true apology doesn't try to find who started it
4. A true apology never apologizes to "shut up" the other person
5. A true apology makes apologizing "not enough" and makes an attempt to do more
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Here’s a parent’s worst nightmare. You look upstairs one day and your 27 year old son is still living in the same bedroom in your house that he occupied since the 8th grade! Somewhere along the line, this young man…failed to launch. Listen in this week as the guys discuss this growing phenomenon.
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Helicopter parenting - hovering over your child to rescue whenever bad happens
Lawnmower parenting - clearing the path for your child so that nothing bad happens to them
Helicopter and lawnmower parenting cripples our children
Our kids an just "roll over" due to pressure/anxiety. Pressure from parents, school, friends, self, culture - can lead to kids that are anxious about adulthood and therefore just decide to give up.
Parenting is an 18 year process of deparenting.
When they are young we as parents are supervisors, when they're teenagers we are managers, and when they are adults we become consultants.
Grace ceases to be grace if it occurs too often, it then becomes an expectation
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If you have an adult child still in your home that is failing to launch:
1. Begin mourning the loss of your child and accept them as adults
2. Have a clear written agreement on A) responsibilities they have with them still being in your home, B) a defined date when they must leave, C) creating a list of skills they need prior to leaving and D) a list of ways you might assist them financially even after they are gone. NOTE: Any assistance once they're gone needs to have an end date as well.
3. Risk them failing once gone - failure is one of life's great teachers
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
The boys follow up with their co dependency talk from last week by discussing boundaries today. What are boundaries? How do you institute them? Won't that make matters worse? Listen in.
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Boundariless families are dysfunctional. These families are tired.
Lack of boundaries finds its way into most, if not all, relational problems we have.
We mistakenly believe that if we set a boundary, it is unloving.
10 Laws of Boundaries
1. Law of sowing and reaping - needs to be consequences to behavior
2. Law of responsibility - be responsible for self
3. Law of power - make a choice and enact power within relationship
4. Law if respect - respect other people's boundaries
5. Law of motivation - risk disappointing people
6. Law of evaluation - hurt feelings aren't harmful
7. Law of proactivity - setting boundaries early
8. Law of envy - learn to be satisfied with your life
9. Law of activity - can't be passive and have boundaries
10. Law of exposure - choose to matter and exist in relationship
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
What is co-dependency? We’ve all heard about, accused others of being it, but what exactly is it? I mean, we should depend on each other…right? “Lean on me, when you’re not strong…” Hello?! But what is it, really? Listen in this week as the guys unpack the sometimes misunderstood topic of co-dependency, and see if you can recognize your relationship…uh, I mean recognized a “friend’s” relationship.
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Co dependency = when one person needs another person, and the other person needs to be needed.
It's a relationship addiction. A toxic dance.
Submissive co dependents - desperately desire loves from dominant dependents
Dominant co dependents - don't give love the other desires
We pass on co dependency to our children
Recognizing who you are in your marriage:
Submissives
1. Does your self worth hang on your partners approval?
2. Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes a demand?
3. Do you walk on egg shells around your partner?
4. Do you consistently worry about other's opinions of you?
5. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
Dominants
1. Are you in a constant state of frustration with your partner?
2. Can you not let go of correcting your partner?
3. It is difficult for you to agree to disagree?
4. Do you have a strong need to be right?
5. When push comes to shove, you get your way.
SOLUTION
1. Boundaries (next week)
2. Don't avoid conflict; be a buffalo
3. Figure out wants vs needs. You want your spouse, you don't need him/her
4. It is not your place to correct your spouse
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
In our society today, we love us some tolerance! Vive la Difference! I always like to say, except when those differences we’re “Viveing” are behaviors in our spouse that are driving us up the wall during this sheltering in place experience. How can we “let go and let God” sooth our relational differences while we’re all boarded up inside our houses 24/7? Listen in this week as the guys discuss how to accept our spouse’s faults…That’s right. I said it, FAULTS! They’re not differences, they are flaws in their character that if they loved me, they would change!! Or would they?
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Martial Wounds
1. Spouse Preferences - things that minimally impact your life
2. Infractions - things that moderately (and sometimes majorly) impact your life
3. Major Infractions - abuse, infidelity, etc
Scripturally, you only have justification for ending your marriage (or hardening your heart toward you spouse) for the MAJOR INFRACTIONS.
Marriage is about learning to get over things.
70% of all marital arguments are irreconcilable.
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So how do we learn to get over things?
Decide that it is not your job to change your spouse! There is a Holy Spirit and it is not me.
Get the log out of our own eye.
Conflict is never about the content, the conflict touches a "raw spot" / insecurity - so your reaction has more to do with you.
Can you agree to disagree?
Be more grateful for your spouse's good, more than you're mad at the bad.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com